Oh. Hello 2013.

   It's been a while. And I wish I could say I've been up to something extremely exciting and worthy of writing about. But the truth is I haven't. The truth is, I've been lost. Mentally that is. These here words are the first I have written in months. Months! And they have proven rather difficult to produce. It's like the spark has been plucked out of my head and thrown somewhere nearby, and I'm having some trouble locating it. I've also been laptop-less, which is pretty much like losing an arm. Something I'm sure all my writer-blogger-friends understand.

   But I don't want to dwell on the sadness looming around over here, the sadness that I am yet to work out. Instead I want to share something rather exciting.

   A while ago I was informed that a short story I wrote was short-listed for the yearly anthology at University. Then I found out that I was a prize winner! Hooray.

   The story in question is titled: BLESSED. It is a series of short diary entries written by a nurse about an aunt and her niece he has been closely observing. It's a retelling of part of the King James Bible. And if anyone would like to take a gander at it, you can read it for free here.

   (PAGE 89 for my story, but lots of the other short fictions and memoirs, and pieces of poetry are wonderful reads to.)

   Now I am intent on being present again on the old blogosphere, however I won't allow myself to commit. Not just yet. Me and my head got to some work to do first.

   I hope you've all been well, and taking care of yourselves. I look forward to catching up on all your lives. And for those of you reading this, thanks for sticking with me.

Strains of Real VS Fictional Life

     So the last 6 weeks (at least I think it has been 6 weeks) has been very draining. In real life, and in the fictional one I'm trying to fix. 

     Real Life: On top of my own life getting me down, my best friends (who are basically sisters to me) have had some tough times. One of my girls, her pregnancy isn't going so well. So right now there's lots of tests and up-in-air who-knows-what-is-going-to-happen stuff. Others has suffered bereavements, family members diagnosed with illnesses. It's tough. Unfortunately it's the result of real life and growing older. We all understand how crap things like this feel. We all have individual ways of dealing with these things. And we have to, because there's no way to be sheltered from any of it.

     Fictional One: There's this story, and characters that I don't think I can ever give up until I've got there story nailed. Told it in the way that they most deserve. But - do you believe there is ever a point that we must say: enough is enough? Fellow writers can understand this feeling of course, however I've always believed: never give up. And I don't think I can, not yet. I've at least got to go over all possibilities. It's worth trying, and I think these characters deserve that from me.

     So, all in all these weeks have been pretty emotional. And if you know me, you know I'm a pretty emotional person (in private of course, at home - typically British of me.) I cry at ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE, LONG LOST FAMILY and DON'T TELL THE BRIDE. (I once told a friend I cry because these three programmes are full of love. I can't handle all that love.)

     Like many I also cry at films, happy ones and sad ones. Mainly sad ones. My mum moans about how many sad films I watch. Recently I watched a beautiful film called: BRIGHT STAR. It tells the tragic love story of John Keats and Fanny Brawne. The thing that makes this film so much sadder, much like the film CREATION about Charles Darwin, is that the story is based on truth. Fact. I sob harder when I remember this.

     Once my eyes were dry, in true form I borrowed the book from the library. The book is a collection of the letters, and poetry, of John Keats. I needed this book because there's one letter that the delectable Ben Whishaw narrates in the film, and it melts my heart. I wanted to share a few lines from it with you:

'write the softest words and kiss them that I may at least touch my lips where yours have been. For myself I know not how to express my devotion to so fair a form: I want a brighter word than bright, a fairer word than fair. I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days – three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.'

     If someone ever uttered these words to me, I'd be there's always.

More Than That...

      I was once again asked that time-old question.

      'Why do you write?'

      My first response: Because it's all that I want to do. All that I have.

      But then I thought about it. Of course someday I want to be, Amie Salmon: Writer, with the proper credentials and all, but aren't I more than that?

      Aren't I a writer, reader, student, sister, blogger, daughter, aunt, twitterer, fan, friend and so on? Aren't we all more than one thing? Isn't that the thing which writers try hard to do for their characters, make them more than one dimensional? Don't we all, fictional or not, deserve to be known as more than just one thing?

     For some reason writing this post made me think of when I went to watch Magic Mike at the cinema the other day. It was my birthday, and me and my friend were having a marathon day at the pictures. Magic Mike was our last order of the day, mainly because it was the only time it was on. We were both, along with another friend and her mum, looking forward to watching some sexy boys shaking their thang. Then as we were buying our tickets, the girl selling them to us said that Magic Mike wasn't all it appeared to be.

      Me and my friend were a little miffed, but we knew that at least this way we wouldn't be disappointed as we were prepared. And we weren't, none of us were. (And neither were most of the reviewers or other cinema goers according to an on-line search.) It wasn't the best, or most ground-breaking film I've ever seen, but it was good. And it was so much more than just a film that invited women to come and have a good time to. It was about discovery, love, friendship, temptations, dark side of fun, and so much more. There were scenes I weren't expecting, and many that I were. There was laughter and a few moments that made you want to shout: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

      After that rant, my point is – it wasn't what I initial expected. It was better.

      So my two new goals in life: Be me, not who people expect me to be.

                                                 Make my characters whole, rounded. Make them real.

I think as a writer, that's not a bad goal to have.

Last Few Months In Pictures

I know the blog, among other accounts, has been feeling rather neglected of late. Instead of using words to explain my absence, I thought I would use pictures to show where these few past months have taken me.

The Colour of Summer.

Spending time in London's Ice Bar.

Completing university assignments, waiting for my results - I've finally finished a year!

Visiting and feeding cool ponies.

Visiting and feeding this cutie.

Earning a penny or two here. (Picture taken from Google.)

I'm currently in the middle of  a rewrite! A complete overhaul, but hopefully it will be worth it. (Picture taken from Google.)

Using the ColorSplash App to update old photos. (This picture was taken on my 21st last year. My Mum's the lady in red. *Starts singing.*)

Spending time with my favourite couple.

Spending time at this place trying to cheer my nephew after his operation. (Picture taken from Google.)

Throwing my Mum a birthday tea part with all the trimmings!

I was taken to visit the Harry Potter Studio Tour. Able to view sets and props like....

This...

And this...

Able to stand on the Knight Bus with a Butterbeer....

And walk around this gigantic model of Hogwarts!!

Why?

Today I meant to post a blog answering some questions tagged for me by fellow bloggers, but I really wanted to share this conversation I had. I shall post my original blog for today in a couple of days time.

Random: Why do you like fantasy so much?

Me: (Raises eyebrow) Why not?

Random: Seriously, why?

Me: Because...because it's exciting, and it's beautiful.

Random: But reality is exciting and beautiful.

Me: And I know that, I can see that everyday if I look hard enough. Just pop onto Google and look at the amazing stories and pictures people share. But in fantasy, all impossible things are possible. Nothing is unimaginable.

Random: Ahh...I see. Fair enough.

A little snippet of my life at university. Hope everyone is having a great start to March. One last thing before I finish, I wanted to show anyone who hadn't seen this a picture that Jo on Once Upon a Bookcase shared, and I think it is just brilliant.

:)

Long Time No See

  Wow...it's been a long time since I've been on Blogger, I haven't even glanced at it. It feels odd even writing something new for a post, although it's also mixed with another feeling, one that can only be described in three words...I've missed this.

  The festive season seemed to sweep me away, and I spent my days watching Christmas television, eating lots of chocolate and satsumas, generally lazying around. Then January arrived and I realised I had lots of uni work to do, so there went my days. And then suddenly all the days seemed to come and go, and before I knew it we're nearly at the end of February.

                                       No way. *Blinks*

  It feels like nothing has happened, yet so much that I can even think what. Life is as bumpy as ever, but I know that's a sentiment we can all share in.

  Talking about sharing, I wanted to share something with you. (If there's anyone still left reading this.) I talk a lot on here about my dreams of becoming a writer, however there is one dream that I long ago realised I would have to set aside.

  

   In my wildest dreams, the kind where I can do ANYTHING...anything in the world and know I'll be awesome at it, I act. But not just any kind of acting, I want to be an actress of musicals. The kind that dances, and cries while they're singing, then plasters on a smile for the finale. (Of course, not all musicals end happily.)

   But I put this dream aside because I had to do that horrid thing and admit that I wasn't good enough. Because I wasn't. However I still dream that one day I will have a chance to at least be in the chorus of some professional production, then at least I can say that I tried. And it was brilliant. I know that deep down I still have hopes to act, act in anything that will have me, but now I've got this fear that I'm not good enough for that either. For a variety of reasons.

  The thing is, as cheesy and cliché as this will sound...it's the truth. Writing saved me. Without that connection of pen to paper, fingers on lettered keys, I would have lost myself and ended up somewhere that I don't even want to think about. I almost was there. Then the fact that the writing turned out not to be half bad was just a bonus.

  For me writing isn't just about the recognition, although it's great when praise comes, it's about the feeling of telling something. Telling something about myself, or a fictional character. Telling a story that only I can tell because it's in me. That is what's amazing about it. And when I read, I can see that feeling pouring off the page, because I know that writer felt it too, a burning desire to share something within them.

   And now I've shared, and I'm looking forward to catching up on some of the blogs I've missed to see what you've shared too.

Christmas Has Fallen...(Giveaway)

 Christmas has well and truly set in at home, the family's presents are being wrapped (I cannot wait to see my nieces and nephews faces), my friend's Secret Santas have been drawn, the list for the Blogger's Secret Santa I'm participating in are out, and carols are being sung around Christmas trees at work. (Well they will start again (the first carol show was back in September) now Tennis is over and once Gary Barlow has done his thang.)
 And a special gift arrived from the lovelies at Big Book Little Book Blog :D :

Such a gamer.

 This has to be the best month of the year, when do the games begin?

 So it has been one of those years, but I'm here to dwell on happier things. Way back in October something rather amazing happened.
  On Wednesday 26th I was lucky enough to get the chance to meet one of my favourite authors Cassandra Clare.

 Now in celebration of the release of Clockwork Prince this week (who else is excited? Jealous of others who've read it already?) and because Christmas is coming soon, I am going to give-away a paperback copy of City of Fallen Angels. And it's SIGNED, I carried this book with me to the signing (along with all my others) and the wonderful Ms Clare signed every single thing for me. Look:

  It is a second hand copy, I've only read it once. (That was after it arrived late through my letter box and I had to devour it to see what everyone else was talking about.)
  This is going to be international, since it's Christmas I wanted anyone to be able to enter, and this is open until midnight (GMT) Monday 12th December.

 Now all you have to do is post a comment with an email address. Because this is my first giveway, maybe my last, (and I haven't had luck with form thingys) I will be putting everyone's name in a hat (actually it will be a mixing bowl) and my Mum will be drawing the winner.



I think that's all, any questions just ask and I'll reply in the comments.



Now let us sing a song, Last Christmas anyone?