So the last 6 weeks (at least I think
it has been 6 weeks) has been very draining. In real life, and in the
fictional one I'm trying to fix.
Real Life: On top of my own life
getting me down, my best friends (who are basically sisters to me)
have had some tough times. One of my girls, her pregnancy isn't going
so well. So right now there's lots of tests and up-in-air
who-knows-what-is-going-to-happen stuff. Others has suffered
bereavements, family members diagnosed with illnesses. It's tough.
Unfortunately it's the result of real life and growing older. We all
understand how crap things like this feel. We all have individual
ways of dealing with these things. And we have to, because there's no
way to be sheltered from any of it.
Fictional One: There's this story, and
characters that I don't think I can ever give up until I've got
there story nailed. Told it in the way that they most deserve. But -
do you believe there is ever a point that we must say: enough is
enough? Fellow writers can understand this feeling of course, however
I've always believed: never give up. And I don't think I can, not
yet. I've at least got to go over all possibilities. It's worth
trying, and I think these characters deserve that from me.
So, all in all these weeks have been
pretty emotional. And if you know me, you know I'm a pretty emotional
person (in private of course, at home - typically British of me.) I
cry at ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE, LONG LOST FAMILY and DON'T TELL THE
BRIDE. (I once told a friend I cry because these three programmes are
full of love. I can't handle all that love.)
Like many I also cry at films, happy ones and sad ones. Mainly sad ones. My mum moans about how many sad films I watch. Recently I watched a beautiful film called: BRIGHT STAR. It tells the tragic love story of John Keats and Fanny Brawne. The thing that makes this film so much sadder, much like the film CREATION about Charles Darwin, is that the story is based on truth. Fact. I sob harder when I remember this.
Once my eyes were dry, in true form I
borrowed the book from the library. The book is a collection of the
letters, and poetry, of John Keats. I needed this book because
there's one letter that the delectable Ben Whishaw narrates in the
film, and it melts my heart. I wanted to share a few lines from it
with you:
'write the softest words and kiss them
that I may at least touch my lips where yours have been. For myself I
know not how to express my devotion to so fair a form: I want a
brighter word than bright, a fairer word than fair. I almost wish we
were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days – three such days
with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could
ever contain.'
If someone ever uttered these words to
me, I'd be there's always.
