Oh. Hello 2013.

   It's been a while. And I wish I could say I've been up to something extremely exciting and worthy of writing about. But the truth is I haven't. The truth is, I've been lost. Mentally that is. These here words are the first I have written in months. Months! And they have proven rather difficult to produce. It's like the spark has been plucked out of my head and thrown somewhere nearby, and I'm having some trouble locating it. I've also been laptop-less, which is pretty much like losing an arm. Something I'm sure all my writer-blogger-friends understand.

   But I don't want to dwell on the sadness looming around over here, the sadness that I am yet to work out. Instead I want to share something rather exciting.

   A while ago I was informed that a short story I wrote was short-listed for the yearly anthology at University. Then I found out that I was a prize winner! Hooray.

   The story in question is titled: BLESSED. It is a series of short diary entries written by a nurse about an aunt and her niece he has been closely observing. It's a retelling of part of the King James Bible. And if anyone would like to take a gander at it, you can read it for free here.

   (PAGE 89 for my story, but lots of the other short fictions and memoirs, and pieces of poetry are wonderful reads to.)

   Now I am intent on being present again on the old blogosphere, however I won't allow myself to commit. Not just yet. Me and my head got to some work to do first.

   I hope you've all been well, and taking care of yourselves. I look forward to catching up on all your lives. And for those of you reading this, thanks for sticking with me.

Strains of Real VS Fictional Life

     So the last 6 weeks (at least I think it has been 6 weeks) has been very draining. In real life, and in the fictional one I'm trying to fix. 

     Real Life: On top of my own life getting me down, my best friends (who are basically sisters to me) have had some tough times. One of my girls, her pregnancy isn't going so well. So right now there's lots of tests and up-in-air who-knows-what-is-going-to-happen stuff. Others has suffered bereavements, family members diagnosed with illnesses. It's tough. Unfortunately it's the result of real life and growing older. We all understand how crap things like this feel. We all have individual ways of dealing with these things. And we have to, because there's no way to be sheltered from any of it.

     Fictional One: There's this story, and characters that I don't think I can ever give up until I've got there story nailed. Told it in the way that they most deserve. But - do you believe there is ever a point that we must say: enough is enough? Fellow writers can understand this feeling of course, however I've always believed: never give up. And I don't think I can, not yet. I've at least got to go over all possibilities. It's worth trying, and I think these characters deserve that from me.

     So, all in all these weeks have been pretty emotional. And if you know me, you know I'm a pretty emotional person (in private of course, at home - typically British of me.) I cry at ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE, LONG LOST FAMILY and DON'T TELL THE BRIDE. (I once told a friend I cry because these three programmes are full of love. I can't handle all that love.)

     Like many I also cry at films, happy ones and sad ones. Mainly sad ones. My mum moans about how many sad films I watch. Recently I watched a beautiful film called: BRIGHT STAR. It tells the tragic love story of John Keats and Fanny Brawne. The thing that makes this film so much sadder, much like the film CREATION about Charles Darwin, is that the story is based on truth. Fact. I sob harder when I remember this.

     Once my eyes were dry, in true form I borrowed the book from the library. The book is a collection of the letters, and poetry, of John Keats. I needed this book because there's one letter that the delectable Ben Whishaw narrates in the film, and it melts my heart. I wanted to share a few lines from it with you:

'write the softest words and kiss them that I may at least touch my lips where yours have been. For myself I know not how to express my devotion to so fair a form: I want a brighter word than bright, a fairer word than fair. I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days – three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.'

     If someone ever uttered these words to me, I'd be there's always.

More Than That...

      I was once again asked that time-old question.

      'Why do you write?'

      My first response: Because it's all that I want to do. All that I have.

      But then I thought about it. Of course someday I want to be, Amie Salmon: Writer, with the proper credentials and all, but aren't I more than that?

      Aren't I a writer, reader, student, sister, blogger, daughter, aunt, twitterer, fan, friend and so on? Aren't we all more than one thing? Isn't that the thing which writers try hard to do for their characters, make them more than one dimensional? Don't we all, fictional or not, deserve to be known as more than just one thing?

     For some reason writing this post made me think of when I went to watch Magic Mike at the cinema the other day. It was my birthday, and me and my friend were having a marathon day at the pictures. Magic Mike was our last order of the day, mainly because it was the only time it was on. We were both, along with another friend and her mum, looking forward to watching some sexy boys shaking their thang. Then as we were buying our tickets, the girl selling them to us said that Magic Mike wasn't all it appeared to be.

      Me and my friend were a little miffed, but we knew that at least this way we wouldn't be disappointed as we were prepared. And we weren't, none of us were. (And neither were most of the reviewers or other cinema goers according to an on-line search.) It wasn't the best, or most ground-breaking film I've ever seen, but it was good. And it was so much more than just a film that invited women to come and have a good time to. It was about discovery, love, friendship, temptations, dark side of fun, and so much more. There were scenes I weren't expecting, and many that I were. There was laughter and a few moments that made you want to shout: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

      After that rant, my point is – it wasn't what I initial expected. It was better.

      So my two new goals in life: Be me, not who people expect me to be.

                                                 Make my characters whole, rounded. Make them real.

I think as a writer, that's not a bad goal to have.

Last Few Months In Pictures

I know the blog, among other accounts, has been feeling rather neglected of late. Instead of using words to explain my absence, I thought I would use pictures to show where these few past months have taken me.

The Colour of Summer.

Spending time in London's Ice Bar.

Completing university assignments, waiting for my results - I've finally finished a year!

Visiting and feeding cool ponies.

Visiting and feeding this cutie.

Earning a penny or two here. (Picture taken from Google.)

I'm currently in the middle of  a rewrite! A complete overhaul, but hopefully it will be worth it. (Picture taken from Google.)

Using the ColorSplash App to update old photos. (This picture was taken on my 21st last year. My Mum's the lady in red. *Starts singing.*)

Spending time with my favourite couple.

Spending time at this place trying to cheer my nephew after his operation. (Picture taken from Google.)

Throwing my Mum a birthday tea part with all the trimmings!

I was taken to visit the Harry Potter Studio Tour. Able to view sets and props like....

This...

And this...

Able to stand on the Knight Bus with a Butterbeer....

And walk around this gigantic model of Hogwarts!!

Why?

Today I meant to post a blog answering some questions tagged for me by fellow bloggers, but I really wanted to share this conversation I had. I shall post my original blog for today in a couple of days time.

Random: Why do you like fantasy so much?

Me: (Raises eyebrow) Why not?

Random: Seriously, why?

Me: Because...because it's exciting, and it's beautiful.

Random: But reality is exciting and beautiful.

Me: And I know that, I can see that everyday if I look hard enough. Just pop onto Google and look at the amazing stories and pictures people share. But in fantasy, all impossible things are possible. Nothing is unimaginable.

Random: Ahh...I see. Fair enough.

A little snippet of my life at university. Hope everyone is having a great start to March. One last thing before I finish, I wanted to show anyone who hadn't seen this a picture that Jo on Once Upon a Bookcase shared, and I think it is just brilliant.

:)

Long Time No See

  Wow...it's been a long time since I've been on Blogger, I haven't even glanced at it. It feels odd even writing something new for a post, although it's also mixed with another feeling, one that can only be described in three words...I've missed this.

  The festive season seemed to sweep me away, and I spent my days watching Christmas television, eating lots of chocolate and satsumas, generally lazying around. Then January arrived and I realised I had lots of uni work to do, so there went my days. And then suddenly all the days seemed to come and go, and before I knew it we're nearly at the end of February.

                                       No way. *Blinks*

  It feels like nothing has happened, yet so much that I can even think what. Life is as bumpy as ever, but I know that's a sentiment we can all share in.

  Talking about sharing, I wanted to share something with you. (If there's anyone still left reading this.) I talk a lot on here about my dreams of becoming a writer, however there is one dream that I long ago realised I would have to set aside.

  

   In my wildest dreams, the kind where I can do ANYTHING...anything in the world and know I'll be awesome at it, I act. But not just any kind of acting, I want to be an actress of musicals. The kind that dances, and cries while they're singing, then plasters on a smile for the finale. (Of course, not all musicals end happily.)

   But I put this dream aside because I had to do that horrid thing and admit that I wasn't good enough. Because I wasn't. However I still dream that one day I will have a chance to at least be in the chorus of some professional production, then at least I can say that I tried. And it was brilliant. I know that deep down I still have hopes to act, act in anything that will have me, but now I've got this fear that I'm not good enough for that either. For a variety of reasons.

  The thing is, as cheesy and cliché as this will sound...it's the truth. Writing saved me. Without that connection of pen to paper, fingers on lettered keys, I would have lost myself and ended up somewhere that I don't even want to think about. I almost was there. Then the fact that the writing turned out not to be half bad was just a bonus.

  For me writing isn't just about the recognition, although it's great when praise comes, it's about the feeling of telling something. Telling something about myself, or a fictional character. Telling a story that only I can tell because it's in me. That is what's amazing about it. And when I read, I can see that feeling pouring off the page, because I know that writer felt it too, a burning desire to share something within them.

   And now I've shared, and I'm looking forward to catching up on some of the blogs I've missed to see what you've shared too.

Christmas Has Fallen...(Giveaway)

 Christmas has well and truly set in at home, the family's presents are being wrapped (I cannot wait to see my nieces and nephews faces), my friend's Secret Santas have been drawn, the list for the Blogger's Secret Santa I'm participating in are out, and carols are being sung around Christmas trees at work. (Well they will start again (the first carol show was back in September) now Tennis is over and once Gary Barlow has done his thang.)
 And a special gift arrived from the lovelies at Big Book Little Book Blog :D :

Such a gamer.

 This has to be the best month of the year, when do the games begin?

 So it has been one of those years, but I'm here to dwell on happier things. Way back in October something rather amazing happened.
  On Wednesday 26th I was lucky enough to get the chance to meet one of my favourite authors Cassandra Clare.

 Now in celebration of the release of Clockwork Prince this week (who else is excited? Jealous of others who've read it already?) and because Christmas is coming soon, I am going to give-away a paperback copy of City of Fallen Angels. And it's SIGNED, I carried this book with me to the signing (along with all my others) and the wonderful Ms Clare signed every single thing for me. Look:

  It is a second hand copy, I've only read it once. (That was after it arrived late through my letter box and I had to devour it to see what everyone else was talking about.)
  This is going to be international, since it's Christmas I wanted anyone to be able to enter, and this is open until midnight (GMT) Monday 12th December.

 Now all you have to do is post a comment with an email address. Because this is my first giveway, maybe my last, (and I haven't had luck with form thingys) I will be putting everyone's name in a hat (actually it will be a mixing bowl) and my Mum will be drawing the winner.



I think that's all, any questions just ask and I'll reply in the comments.



Now let us sing a song, Last Christmas anyone?

My Stage...

  I always wanted to perform, I can't remember a time when I wasn't forcing my cousins to dress up and put on shows for our parents, where we would put on a play I wrote or pretend to be the Spice Girls and give a concert (And because I was the youngest, I was Baby Spice).

  Sometimes I would even cook dinner for my parents, set up the front room like it was our own restaurant, then pick out fancy clothes for them to wear at dinner while I ate mine in the kitchen. I used to love doing that, designing the menus and setting up the table.

 One year me and my brother made my Mum roses for Mother's day; I'm pretty sure she still has them saved in a box somewhere.

 I even wrote a musical about Hercules when I was about 8 or 9, I read out what I wrote while my brother and Mum took turns to type it up on our typewriter. Then I gave my lyrics to my piano teacher who wrote the score. Then my Dad took me to see my headteacher, it turns out he had asked her to read the script! It never was performed, but the script still waits patiently somewhere in my room (I'm sure if I re-read it, it would seem awful, but I'm proud of it none-the-less).

  When I left Primary School my ambition was to be a actor/singer/writer/dancer. I wanted to do anything and everything creative. I took Drama and Music GCSE, and when we had to write a short story for English Literature it reminded me how much I loved writing. 

 Then I found out I got into the school of my dreams, the performing arts school I had been dreaming of going to since I was 13, and I was going to study theatre, learn the craft of acting from professionals.

  Those two years I spent there, from the ages of 16 – 18, were honestly some of the best of my life. I had my greatest friends from school still in touch with me, and I made lots of new ones, and we had the best experiences we could possibly have. I can't even recall exactly how many times we performed.

 One of my highlights had to be when myself and a friend created our own show and had it performed; we were the writers/directors/producers/set designers/costume makers – everything. We got together a group of our friends and put on an amazing show, using multimedia. We even were allowed to paint the walls in our performance room (which I had to be in at 8am one morning to do).

  I don't regret anything from those two years, going to that school was the best decision I have ever made.

  Then, a few weeks before I got my final results, my Dad sadly passed away.

  And over time, words have become my performance outlet. Now every day I remind myself how good it feels to express my stories and characters through the words on the page, and to see people enjoy what I've written is the greatest buzz of all.

  I would like to go back to acting one day, but for now I'm loving this journey I'm on.

  At the start of this I was completely unprepared for how hard I would have to work. How difficult world building can be, how tough you have to be during revisions, how straining and frustrating querying can be – but do I give up? No. I can't give up, not when I've found something I believe myself to be good at, something I think I really have a chance at.

  That's why I keep going, taking rejection and criticism on the chin and work harder to improve. This year has taught me a lot about writing, and a lot of it has come from the fantastic bloggers I've found. And as much as this years been tough in so many ways, I realise there is so much to be thankful for.

  And on one last note, if anyone wants to check out a favourite blog of mine: Big Book Little Book, they are a great tips and reviewer site who are running competitions in the run up to Christmas.

 Check them out if you can, and I'll be back soon with some special Christmasy posts. 

 For now I hope you're all doing well, and looking forward for this special month that is December. 

My Pal

I wanted to take some time today to talk about this four legged guy I knew. 

  He was medium height, with glossy black fur and dopey dark eyes that could speak a thousand words.

  He liked to pull up part of the flooring and blame me and my two legged pal Rae.

  In his old age he became partial to barking at his own shadow, howling whenever my Mum was out.

  Once during a party he fell in a pond we didn't know existed in a neighbours garden.

  He liked to lounge in the sun, curling himself up small so he could lay in the rays that streamed through our windows.

  When he realised my sister's dogs were coming to stay he hid his toys; to this day we have never found them.

  My young nephew would like to imagine he was a horse, and my pal wouldn't even lift his head when my nephew pulled on his ears to go go go.

  He was known for dressing up as a fairy.

  In his old age everyone thought him meek but my Mum had to chase him comically down a hill, bringing the traffic to a halt behind her. I waited at the top of the hill with our bags.

 Whenever you were sad he would comfort you.

 I'm quite sure he liked other boys.

 Before coming to our home he lived with an aggressive female; I think she put him off other ladies for life.

 He was gentle, he was loving.

 His name was Oscar, my old boy, and on Friday 25^th November 2011 he went to sleep, forever. 

Oscar lookingvar. (His nickname).

  

 He had 17 fabulous years, 119 in dog years.

  Oscar, my sweet pal, thank you. 

I'm not quite sure what we're gonna do without you tap-tapping around here.

  I hope it's sunny enough up there for you.

Proof of his liking for wings.

Tea Anyone...?

        Hi guys, *waves frantically*.

 There's no internet at my house at the moment while we switch providers, so I'm writing this from a computer at Uni. My essay sits on a word document somewhere on the screen, almost finished.

 Anyway, just wanted to pop by to see how everyone is doing? Any news I've missed?

 If you want, pull up a seat and we shall have a cuppa while we're here. Sugar? How milky?

 I'll be back soon (I hope) with something more interesting to talk about, my blog posts have been saving themselves, but for now if anyone feels like it then do pop over to Big Book Little Book's Blog. I was an entrant in their Harry Potter competition, and I spoke about my love for Book 3, The Prisoner of Azkaban.
 They are such a great blog, one of my favourite reviewers here.

 Anyhoo, I hope you all have enjoyed the catch up and tea (one day I shall get a real cup to all of you fabulous people) and have a good weekend.

Till next time, =).

Bah to Bluegh

  It's been one of those weeks, not unusual. I don't have much faith for it to get better before the end of 2011. (Bring on 2012 - as long as it is improved.)

  But I've decided not to be negative in this post, instead I'm going to list five things to be thankful/happy for. (Especially since today honours those wonderful heroes, and this is inspired by the lovely Meredith at Fairy Tales and Cappuccino. who posts 'Five Random Thoughts on a Friday.')

1. Writing. Ok, this might be obvious but I've been thinking a lot about love this week, and writing is my love. Even if I never get anywhere, I know that I will write, it seeps out of me and I can't control it. 
   
   
2. Thank god for reruns of Malcolm in The Middle. When I was younger I never found it funny, but this past year it has brought so much laughter to my house. It's mad, hilarious and scarily truthful. 
   
   
3. Random messages from friends that say things like like; I miss your face; I've been thinking of you – you know what that means – *bursts into song* 'You are always on my mind...' Oh they make me laugh, and feel contented. 
   
   
4. DOWNTON ABBEY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!! Do I need to say more? Doctor Who and Downton Abbey on the same day? With good food and games? Sigh. 
   
   
5. Quote of the week: 'She is involved in work her soul must have' – Alice Walker
   (I am getting that engraved on something, anything. Because it warms my heart.)

  I hope you've all had a good week, and you crazy NaNo folks have found it productive.

  Here's to a glorious weekend.

Books Make Life Magical

  Beth Revis, author of the amazing Across the Universe which I ranted about here, is hosting an extraordinary give-away. It's amazing, honestly. She's giving away 19 signed YA books by people who've helped her in all various ways on her journey, plus lots of swag, and there's even runner up prizes. Best-give-away-ever. 

  

 And to enter you have to write a post about the one book you are most grateful for. 

  Argh, what a question? There's so many books I've read in the past 12 months that I'm grateful for, let alone all the books I've read throughout my life.

 But then, after I let that moment of panic settle, I knew there was only one series (ok not one book but I can't pick one) of books that I know have made my life more magical.

  Harry Potter.

  Two words, one name. Whenever anyone hears them they think; lightening bolt; he-who-must-not-be-named; glasses; wands; Hogwarts. (Ok I could go on, but you get the idea. Plus I don't need to tell you what you think of when you hear Harry Potter)

 I first read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone when I was 10, in my last year of primary school, right before heading off to big school (scary times).

  I was hooked from the word go, and it wasn't just me, but my whole family.

  Every Harry Potter film we've watched together, every time the DVD's (or video back in the day) has been released we've watched it together, analysing it.

  Right before the Deathly Hallows book was published, we spent a whole day discussing the possible outcomes for the plot, making predictions and bets. And then after I'd finished reading (i.e. having my heart torn out and stamped on) I rung my brother, who was crying and said he hadn't made it to the end because he was grieving for the loss of one amazing house elf. (And yes, we also sobbed in the cinema, doing that whole, I'm-not-really-crying-about-something-I-knew-was-coming.)

  Basically, I've grown up with these books, as the characters matured, so did I. They've seen me through so many stages of my life.

 I remember being 15, sitting in my Mum's swinging chair in the garden while I spent 4 hours devouring Harry Potter and the Half-Blood prince. I had to re-read the ending a hundred times, because I was crying so much. (I actually screamed, 'HOW COULD JK DO THIS AFTER THE END OF THE LAST BOOK! DOES SHE HATE HARRY THAT MUCH?!?!?!')

  My Mum had to come outside and ask me to keep it down, 'No spoilers before I've picked it up please.' Although I think my tear stained face ruined that.

  So yes, Harry Potter has become a part of my life, helped me realise the type of person I want to be, reminds me why I want to write and share my stories.

  And the one greatest thing about these books, in the words of JK herself, 'Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.'

Experimenting...By Force

  It feels like ages since I lasted posted. (Well it's been a week, feels like forever) And it seems things are as hectic as ever. My brain seems to be all over the place. I can't seem to get it straight and focused.

 Besides all the stuff that's been going on with my family and friends, (some good, some bad. My friend's baby was christened, it was a short but sweet ceremony. Me and my friends were prepared to be in there hours.) I've been quite hectic at university.

  

 Any who read a previous post, I was meant to start reading Atonement for one of my classes. I'm happy to say I have, and that I'm actually quite into it.

  I love how the characters are so clear and vivid, and although the story may be a little slow and perhaps confusing (the confusion has come from the class discussions), I just love how real his characters are.

  I'm so glad I've finally found a reason to pick this up.

 In other reading I also finished the first two books in the Iron Fey series, they are everything I expected them to be. I'm currently reading My Sister Lives On The Mantelpiece, I have to say at first I was wondering if I would enjoy it, but I'm hooked. It's very honest, and I find that extremely compelling.

  I have started working on my essays, the deadlines are looming! Eek. (And when I mean started...I have made bullet points.) And each week I also have to write a completely original piece of writing for my Prose class. I thought this might be easy, I have ideas and write all the time. 

 Then we were asked to write an essay. The question; Is it ok to eat animals? That was all we were given to work with. Eventually I managed to pull some ideas together, but my it was hard.

  I enjoyed the piece we had to write the week before. A memoir in third person.

 'Musical screams blasted from the state of the art speakers, repelling off the century old walls. Amie winced and stepped backwards from the vast moving lights, which were making nonsense patterns on the wall.

  She wondered what dear Albert and Victoria would say if they could hear this kind of music, not that she really felt it was music at all.'

 That's the start of my piece. It was fun to refer to myself in the third person, I don't know why, it just made me giggle.

  I've also had to start writing a ten page play. I have no idea what I'm doing with what I'm currently working on, although that isn't necessarily a surprise.

Charles: So it's true then? The old man, he's gone.

Beat

Rosa: Yes.

Beat

What are you doing here? I thought you were honeymooning in the Alps, or was it on a safari?

Charles: Hawaii actually, our flight was cancelled.

Rosa: Hawaii? There we are then, shows how much attention I pay when my brother blabbers on. Where is your new found wealth? Sorry, wife.

  That's the start. I'm sticking with this idea at the moment, but I've got a few weeks, so everything could change.

  (Also...all the above required writing is making me sad for my WIP. I have lots of revisions to be working on, and I know they are missing my attention, but me and my laptop have a deal. Work first, WIP later. It's working...sort of.)

  In other news today I met Cassandra Clare. *Excited Face* She is the author of the best selling the Mortal Instruments and the Infernal Devices series. And author extraordinare. Also Sarah Rees Brennan was there! She is extremely funny, I'm looking forward to reading The Demon's Lexicon, and her other books.

  Cassandra did a Q & A, and Sarah was there to ask the questions pulled from the cauldron and make us all laugh.

  I got all my books signed, which made this week infinitely better.

  And I also may have a give-away occurring soon, to do with Cassandra Clare & the signing. Stay tuned.

Lastly, I was passed on this award by the wonder CD Meetens. Her blog (One Little Spark - A Writer's World) is such a great read, and I love this award. So cute. (I will be passing this on, just it's getting late now and I have rambled on for some time. =] )

Hope everyone's been well, I've been trying to keep up on blogs, if I've missed any let me know.

On Being Critiqued

 A wonderful and temporarily heart-wrenching thing happened to me the other day; my work was critiqued. 

 And not by my Mum, who is a sound, encouraging reader who helps me progress, but by a stranger.

 As soon as I sent the first few chapters off my heart did that flutter thing, and I wondered if I would be able to open her reply.

  Lucky for me I did.

 She pointed out my flaws in my writing, which I was either unaware of, or subconsciously ignored.

  At first my heart sort of stopped, and my stomach fell out. All my hard work suddenly seemed wasted. I've been developing this story since the start of 2010, when the snow in my garden inspired me to write the piece of work I'd been longing to.

 (And if anyone sees my first drafts then I think I would die of embarrassment. Oh the shame, what was I thinking? How could that possibly be my best work?)

  

 I, eventually, proceeded to show my Mum the email, who pointed out the positives to me. (There were some brilliant positives – once I began breathing again I smiled with pride, and blushed too.) Then we had a long discussion, where I cried.

  The one thing my Mum said to me that sticks out in my mind is, 'You being critiqued is good for me too, I'm learning to see what I should have seen before. It's fantastic,' she went on to say, 'This advice is great, but as she (my critique partner) says, and so do I, ultimately the story is yours to tell. Tell it how you want to.'

 After that we went out for a while, and I didn't really think much about it. Or at least I tried not to. My thoughts couldn't help but mull over how much work I had to do (it really isn't that much, but my mind seemed to disagree), and how little time there was to do it in (that part still feels true).

 When I arrived back home I took another look at the edits, and set about reworking the first few pages.

Already I feel so much more fulfilled and satisfied with my work. It feels richer and cleaner, and now I am aware of my weaknesses and strengths, I have things in mind to work on.

  Seriously, this stranger will never know how much I owe her. And my Mum. Two amazing women, who's acquaintance with me is at opposite ends of the spectrum, but right now I am valuing them both in high esteem.

  When I started this year I wanted to share my work with others. I am so happy I took the plunge. I feel so much more knowledgeable, it's an indescribable feeling when someone says your story is worth telling. It's just my craft needs some work.

  I know it will take time (sigh) but I need to continue to learn patience if I want my writing to be the best it can be.

  So yes, getting critiqued is hard, but the rewards are splendid.

 Besides, you wouldn't want any old thing out there would you? Not when you are capable of so much more.

Best Ways To Procrastinate

Dear you,

            would you like to sleep? Yes, well then you are going to have to stop with this procrastinating business. Honestly it really isn't healthy.

Because instead of going to sleep at a reasonable hour (I know with work it is sometimes difficult, but that doesn't excuse the other 4 nights out of 7) you are doing what you should have been doing in the day.

You see that copy of Atonement on your beside table? Yep it's just on top of the reading packs for the other modules, and the poetry textbooks – YOU MUST READ. Put down the Iron King, or whatever other book you decide to 'take a look at'. You can read them when you have done your essential reading for the week.

Just think, you've wanted to read Atonement for sometime, and now you have to. See how good that is?

And you know when you go on the internet to check your accounts? Or trains times. AVOID YOU TUBE. That place will be your downfall. I know there are wonderful singers and songs on there, and montages of Doctor Who that you feel you must watch, but please just add them to the Watch Later playlist and they will wait for you.

Do not even get me started on your nails. Do you have to paint them? Do they really need it? Ok, well I tell you what you can do; you may paint them, however you are not to remove the nail varnish and repaint them unless you have a good twenty minutes or so.

If you do not have that time because you're meant to be either sleeping; or eating; or showering; or doing ESSENTIAL reading; or going to uni or work; then leave them. Do you really care if you wander the streets of London with a bit of chipped nail polish? Nope, didn't think you'd mind.

Even doing this here letter-to-self-to-post-as-a-blog is taking up your time. And I know re-reading that WIP is engaging and lots of fun, but it's not going to go anywhere. I thought we had a deal? One hours reading/work = one hours reading/writing. See how easy it is if you just focus and commit yourself.

It's ok, you'll get there. These things take time. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day.

(They also say you can sleep when you're dead – but I want you to IGNORE that. You need your sleep beautiful lady, bags do not become you.)

Now I bid you farewell, and leave you with good will and faith.

I said bye.

Seriously, bye.

Ok, you can watch one more video before you go.

Cries.

What a Week.

On my last blog I ended wondering where this month would take me, well it seems it has already taken me to a hundred different places.

First day of uni went well, I actually felt as though I had some knowledge to participate with. Perhaps that time off I had, and all the reading I accomplished, did me some good after all.

Then I came home, and things went slowly downhill. I felt my chest tighten, and my temperature shot up. But I went out to the pub anyway to celebrate my friends birthday, gradually feeling worse as the evening progressed.

Next morning I decided to take myself to the Doctors, and it turns out I have bronchitis. Bloody brilliant. So he gave me a prescription, my poor body has seen more drugs than ever this past year, and off I went.

The rest of the week I trudged through, trying to ignore the pains and not cough. Very difficult.

I did however have some good times too. I paid a visit to waterstones...it could have ended very badly (look at the treasure cove below) however I behaved and left empty handed. 

 Please excuse my shaky pictures...I only had my phone with me, my lovely cameras were at home. 

While I was there I did discover these little gems.

If anyone wants a closer look at this (and clearer pictures) go here.

Now I had never heard of Flipback books before. According to the tag line they are 'a whole book in your pocket.'

I did resist temptation, but I think I might have to invest in one just because they are so cute! And if I ever saw my book compressed into something so small, then I would squeal with delighted excitement.

Small things, small things.

I went to work, but as a show patron rather than staff, to watch the wonderful Idina Menzel perform. She is one of my all time favourite musical theatre actresses.
She sung For Good, from one of the best musicals Wicked, acapella. Without the use of a microphone, and she filled the Royal Albert Hall completely. It was honestly spell binding.

Also this week, in between uni stuff, I went back to look at one of my WIPs.

Oh god I love this story, but I am a little ashamed of the writing.

I wrote this about a year ago, and it feels weird to say that my writing has progressed so much since then.

So I've set about rewriting it, although I am going to take my time with it. There are a multitude of other stories I want to work on, but I think I should try to stay away from them.

I can already feel my uni assignments creeping up on me. 

Although that didn't stop me paying a trip to the library today.

I have started The Poison Diaries already. At least we know it wasn't a wasted trip.  Actually, I couldn't find the book I was after. A Million Little Pieces by James Fray. Sad face.

I know, tut tut, but who even knows if I will get round to reading them all.

I just couldn't resist the shining covers that were calling to me. Sigh.

How has everyone else's week been?

Sunday Thoughts

It's been quite a hectic few days. (And not just because of the Doctor Who finale, and the judges houses stage of the X Factor) I can't even tell you why, but it almost feels as though everything has been happening all at once. 

I've been spending some time with my friends, which has been good. (Perhaps not so for the liver, poor thing has been put through the mill lately) The birthday season has started again, so there's been a lot of celebrations. And my friend's 3 month old daughter is being christened later this month, which is very exciting. She is an absolutely beauty. 

I've been preparing for University. I started this by purchasing myself a wireless printer, which I adore.

I do love gadgets and technology, even though I'm not great at handling it.

I can finally print from my laptop! Goodbye days of emailing myself my work, then using my Mums computer to copy and paste into a new document. Hello time saved.

Little things like that make me happy. 

Now the eve has arrived before my first lecture and I am so nervous. I didn't get my modules till late last week, so I haven't had enough time to find my reading materials. Gah.

I like to build these things up in my head and over complicate them, usually I am wrong and I wonder why I worried so much in the first place.

I really hope that's the case with this first week. I suppose only one way to find out. 

Also this week I've been thinking a lot about words, more specifically the number of them.

I bit the bullet and submitted some work to be critiqued on a blog. By complete strangers. It was a little painful, but wonderfully enriching.

Yes, being critiqued is hard (especially by people I don't know and have never met) but I feel it is needed for writers to grow and learn.

When starting my novel, I had no clue about word count. Honestly. I just thought it was a fun number for me to know.

Then I did some research on books and querying.

I really didn't have a clue. 

My novel was way too long. After reading some good articles from other authors and agents on word count in novels, it lead me to the decision to break my story into two. And I think it's strengthened the story, one of the best things to have come out of this year.

A good place to start if you're looking into this is this great entry on agent Jennifer Laughran's blog. It also lists some great examples of books on the market, from early reader to YA.

So this evening I end this blog on a wondrous note. Wondrous apprehension. You know when you've made some decisions, then a lot of things have happened, and you just hope it will work out in the end. That's sorta where I am this evening. I feel full of so much and I know I'm about to get even fuller. (Especially with knowledge - I hope at least.)

I hope you've all had a good weekend. And here's to the start of October, can't wait to see where we all are at the end of it.

You never know what could happen.

I also want to leave you with this beautiful cover of Wherever You Will Go, discovered from an advert for Twinings tea. 

Storytellers & Dreams

A theme I've seen floating around the blogsophere of late is, why do we write? What drives us?
And it got me to thinking.

I've always written since I was small. My Dad was a great storyteller, and he was once close to having his own children's books published, but unfortunately his illness got worse and everything sort of fell through.
Although he never lost his passion.
When I hit my teenage years he would bend the ears of my nieces and nephews, and they loved it just at the same as I did.
(I was an aunt quite young, my first niece was born when I was 7 - it is the result of being the youngest of 8 siblings.)

So I guess my Dad is a quite a big driving force for me. When I was about 10 I had a piece of homework that was to write a summary of a story we had been told in class. And since we weren't given a specific length to abide by, I wrote the longest, 13 pages! Which was like me writing a novel in comparison to my classmates.
I remember my teacher (who I adored) telling my Dad that she stopped marking half way through because she was so engrossed and astounded. My Dad smiled and said, well she does like to ramble on.

Then I sorta got distracted from writing, well actually I didn't.
I was always writing snippets of stories and fan fictions through my teens. However it was always a back burner while I went out with my new 'cool' friends (who have stayed my closest friends since - best in fact) and dived into my time at college where I studied theatre.
My whole live seemed to be more or less devoted to those two things.
(And writing was always the hobby that didn't cost me much, except the price of pen and paper, and since money has always been tough it seemed like the best pastime when I couldn't afford to go out.)

Then a week after I turned 18, my Dad sadly passed away. And even though he had been ill most of my life, it was a tremendous shock when he departed.
Even now some days are harder than others.
I was a bit lost for a while, trapped somewhere with only my grief and mind for company. Those were some dark days.

One day I got to writing a story about a young girl who loses her Dad, and she meets a guy who she begins to fall for, but it turns out he has a big secret. Bigger than anything she could ever imagine.
And needless to say that story became free counselling sessions for me.
I do still one day to hope to share it with others when I finally finish it.

That story also gave me something else, it made me realise how much I love writing, and why hadn't I thought about doing something with it before?
It opened my mind, my imagination to stories I didn't even know I had in me. I found the fantastical tales I had always longed to write, but never thought myself capable.
And I've been writing everyday, with a passion, ever since.

It also helped strengthen the relationship with my Mum, because of those words we both understood the pain we were sharing, without the need to say it out loud.
Now she is my first reader, greatest critic, and the person who encourages me each and every day to follow my dreams.
One day I hope to help her achieve hers.

Then I embarked on learning more about becoming a professional writer, the world of agents and publishing.

And as much as I long to see my words in print, want others to read about the worlds and characters I've created, I will never lose the love and inner peace writing has given me.

There will always be work, mainly my poems, that I will keep for myself because they mean so much to me, but there is so much more of me I want to give and share with others.

Is there a reason you write? What keeps you going?

Christmas Is Coming...Share The Love

It seems to be that as soon as we've finished one Christmas there are advertisements and such for the next one. My dinner and silly amounts of Christmas treats havn't even been digested yet.
Although, Christmas is my favourite time of year. I get to share it with the people I love, and the amount of food you can eat is incredible. And the sweets and biscuits seem to go on and on and on, well into the New Year. (New Year however I am not so keen...well I might enjoy this one if it brings a more successful year.)

Anyhoo, I wanted to say that over on Maryann Nixon's blog, Words on The Shelf, she's holding a great secret Santa.
Basically you say the top 20 books you want, then she will randomly give everyone a list and address. You can be as generous as you want with your giving.
I think it's a brilliant idea, and I am going to take part. I think it's a great way for everyone to share a bit of that Christmas joy by the gift of a book (or two if you so wish.)
And it's open internationally, as there are lots of way to send books very cheaply of for free.

Just follow the links above if you want to join in and fill out the form. I am already certain this Christmas will be a good one =]

Hope all are having a brilliant weekend, I am going to hide from blogger for a while to do some writing.

The Character In Us

During revisions of my first novel I made lots of important notes that would help me with later books in the series. Some of the most important notes I made were about characters, and during the process I realised how much of myself I put into them.

I took time to think about all my stories, focusing on the heroines, and made a list of what I gave to them.

Now it might have been something like freckles, I have them in abundance so tend to give them to most of my characters too. Then I noticed that I had given away some of my personality traits, my likes and dislikes.

Examples; a whole world was created due to my love of snow; in another book my characters main trait is how tongue-tied she gets in situations.

This is probably why I am so connected to the people I create.

Of course I have characters who are nothing like me, and I love them all the same. My stories would be so boring otherwise, and they wouldn’t reflect this wonderful diverse world we live in.

As writers is it common for us to give our characters a piece of ourselves? JK Rowling gave Harry Potter her birthday. Is it a conscious decision? I know that for lots of mine I didn’t even realise I was doing it till later on.

Just an interesting thought that I’ve been left pondering over, and I wondered if anyone else thought it a good or bad thing?

Personally I like the idea because not only will I share my words with others who read my work, but aslo a piece of my soul.