Monday, 5 September 2011

What's In An Anniversary?

Sometimes I wonder why an anniversary is more significant than any other day. Why should we hurt more on a specific day of the year? Why should the pain by any greater, when it can hurt just as much on other 'ordinary' days.

Today is my Dad's birthday, he sadly passed away a little over 3 years ago.

I've always said that I don't believe in significance that hangs over a certain day, but this year has seemed to prove me wrong. I don't know if it is because it has been a particularly trying year, or if maybe I've just been thinking about it more with the free time I've had.

However for some reason last month, on the anniversary of my Dad's passing, I found myself becoming really emotional.

And it wasn't just me. My whole family seemed to be feeling it, there were more statuses this year than last. And even one of my closest friends, who was there by my side when times were toughest and very close to my Dad, sent me a text about how she was particularly feeling the weight of the day.

How can one day manage to take a hold of people like that? I wonder if it almost forces us to feel such a way, other wise we are guilty of not caring.

Of course I care, if I didn't then most days wouldn't be so painful. Most days, the pain of missing him hurts so badly I have to force myself not to think about it.

I have been in a place where dwelling so much has put me in a dark place, one where I was unable to see anything else. The days all rolled into one and I separated myself from those I loved. I do not want to be in that place again, so I try every day not to be.

Yes I believe that grief never fades, even after years have passed the loss can still feel just as raw, but time can help you find a way to deal with it.

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